I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
