Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
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