Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
he wants to bone in the snuggie
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Randomize
