literally had 100 drinks last night.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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