she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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