no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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