you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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