Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
