And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize
