Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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