I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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