i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
