Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
