Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
