Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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