I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
