from now on my penis is your penis
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Randomize
