I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
