Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Randomize
