the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Randomize
