doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
