Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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