I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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