rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
they're like a gay fantastic four
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
