Porn is love you can see.
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Randomize
