I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Randomize
