i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
