I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
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