No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
