He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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