All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
