i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
