do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
