We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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