I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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