did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
