i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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