I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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