Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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