McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
