Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
