Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
