Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
