Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Drunk is a universal language darling
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