Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Randomize
