What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
