Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize
