we have officially mastered the walk of shame
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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