I have demons in me.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
