is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
