Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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