She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
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